I feel like shit, i don’t have any energy, and my mind to be honest has been wanting to hide in a cloak of sleep all day. Except today was bill paying day, a grocery shopping day. And its more than frustration or a lack of pep, It’s hitting the wall. Its being tired of trying to keep a semi professional attitude when my mind is laced more with serious worry than inspiration. Its tired of the politics that keeps us alone in this.
I’ve seriously given thought to closing the site, boarding up the windows on it hanging out the going out of business sign , saying fine this is bigger than us and were just courting disaster , playing dodge ball on the freeway. I think just shut your ……. mouth bury the camera in the closet, and forget there’s an internet for a few months till it sinks in i can relax, maybe we can relax.
I could wake up spend the morning till well into the afternoon, working on sculpture or listening to talk radio, or any number of things. or taking a nap with Lori, two spoons , blessed with no knowledge of worry or care ,sweet oblivion. Never ruining a dinner again or doctors visit or any other number of gatherings where i have to tell people what we’ve found,,, and some listen in intense shocked silence , as much in worry about us and our condition as about the possible reality of my words. or there are those like my brother who rolls his eye’s. we used to enjoy a visit of talk and target practice, shooting apart the (old family car). More concerned about a fresh brew and more ammo, or good book we’ve read by either a fantasy or sci-fi author. Yea ive given the idea some serious thought,
But even if i did it tonight , ran from the site and the work, and grabbed the biggest ostrich hole for my head i could find, there in the dark, and in the broad daylight , it would do no good. Because there are things you can guess at, like whether the doctors are right who say this week that eggs don’t have cholesterol , are correct,,,,, or you can be wrong about a politician you voted for and cope, you can even recover from a broken heart or a bad marriage,,,,,, but you can’t one day just say you no longer
know there are monsters. You can’t suddenly say okay as of today there are no longer strange beings prowling the country side, , and machine’s do not run a patrol’s down highway 71, (in the air), or harass drivers below or abduct people in the rural countryside, that they don’t seem to now command the sky over the town square.
And saying this , the most demoralizing fact is that you’re not making crazy assumptions, experts have looked at your images and suggested strongly to you that they are real. You know it your self, so how could we ever be free of this, when the last most frightening shots were taken nearly in our driveway.? You can’t, we cant, there are some things you should not ask to know, because the privilege of that knowledge the truth of it, becomes a burden only a stroke or Alzheimer’s or death will separate you from. You want these mysteries to be real to add something to our world beyond the alarm clock duties,
and taxes,, but you want it to happen on the other side of the world,
I’m done whining , and we sure as hell aren’t walking from this , now , not yet, but when that time comes, i hope you will respect us enough to take this seriously. to copy these pages down and put them in a folder and keep it not far from your bible,, because just as surely as the good book, tries to guide us towards being better men and women tries to inform us about the spiritual world as well, we hope what you find here you take as a guide towards the